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Mental Illness. 

I know I'd start feeling better if I'd just get up, walk across the room and take my meds.  But since there's no one who actually gives a shit about me, why bother? 

No one includes myself.  Even after years and years (decades of "therapy") I still deep down really don't give a shit about me.  When you're weaned to believe you're nothing but a nuisance and burden, it's kinda hard to even pretend I don't believe it.  With the meds at least I can quit thinking about it some.  But when it comes right down to it.  NOBODY really gives a shit about anybody.  The most anyone has ever given me is talk. "Oh I'll help you, I'll do this for you" and then I wait, and I'm still where I was.  Needing help and having to figure out on my own how to get it done.  One professional once told me "Life is easier when you have people to count on".   snort.  Okay.  good  to know.  Irrelevant in my case, but hey whatever.  If it makes you feel better to spout text book crap, then go ahead.

Back to the meds.    I will not actively kill myself.  Okay I can't just lay down and quit.  Believe me.  That movie "Somewhere in time"  where Christopher Reeve just sat in his chair until he died is BULLSHIT!  Quitting just doesn't work. 


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